Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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