i love accidental penises.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
