The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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