Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You left your phone here
Wait...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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