I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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