So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
