I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
