i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
