I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
