My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
