I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
