Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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