so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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