You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
