I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
