fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
