Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
