I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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