you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
