i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
