I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
