Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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