i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
