I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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