we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
