yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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