sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
