someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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