as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
