Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
