It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
