Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
