He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
