Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
