Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
