It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
