Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
