so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
