Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
