my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
