I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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