I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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