I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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