chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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