Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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