the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
