My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
