I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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