We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
