We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
